Cry

I cry for a world where the carefree maya bird flies free through open, blue skies filled with crystals and wisps of clouds, soaring above magnificent green fields and blue seas. A sky where it can fly without worrying about gunshots and fire shooting them down and taking away their freedom and their lives and all their little chicks, who have yet to learn to fly.

I cry for a world where the vulnerable tarsier can finally take a leap of faith and move past its slow and boring soliloquy, taking on bigger strides from tree to tree. For its wide eyes can already see all the cunning flashes and pretentious parasites, but they choose not to move in fear, in silence. A spirit enlivened, a force enthusiastic in that world, and it shall wake the tarsier from its slothful slumber to move undaunted, unpressed, unstopped.

I cry for a world where the majestic whale shark can make a home in waters blue and clear, where scum and waste haven't polluted its pristine habitat. Waters where they can move out and explore the depths of the sea, where they can call out in deep booming sounds and be not afraid against the currents and muck that threaten it.

I cry for a world where the stern rugged water buffalos can move through rice paddies without worrying about whips and lashes, where it can move in its own industrious pace and not be forced to do so, where its horns find no enemy to attack and strike. A field so green that it can enjoy the fruits of its own labor, the wheat of its own sweat and blood. A field where no one else can threaten to steal and take it.

I cry for a world where the eagle proves not to be a senseless predator but a leader of the world below, flying out for all to see not only its bold appearance but its heroic flight. Whether the rains and thunder come, whether the sun shines too hot, a sonorous figure who not only stands as a monument of faith but flies out to where he is needed.

I cry. I cry.

I cry for a world of our own. A world for all of us to live and be free and be happy. A world so beautiful nothing else can compare, nothing else can dismantle. Pristine. Beautiful. Wondrous. I cry. I cry.

Anger Poems II: I'll Burn You at the Stake

I'll burn you at the stake

Damn sure, I'll make you cry

You've made a big mistake

Now, you've just got to die

Some witches need just burning

But you deserve much more

(And please, your stench is turning

Even all the berries sore)

Why so, then you may ask

But I'll just snicker off

Then I'll head on to my task

(Go 'head and just f*** off)

First, with my knife, I'd stab you

Making sure the pain lingers

Then by the hand, I'll grab you

And cut off all your fingers

I'll feed your legs to cheetahs

And make them spit it out

Then I'll dice them up in pieces

And feed them to your mouth

I'll get some spicy peppers

And place them in your eyes

They'll burn like nasty heifers

And I won't hear your cries

In a cauldron, go your bones

And in there, they shall seethe

Then I'll get some dirty stones

And throw them at your teeth

And in a pit, the flames, I'll set

Oh, that of crackling red!

(Looking back, don't you regret

All the s*** you said?)

I'll add some extra charcoal

So you come out extra dark

Then, I'll rip your callous soul

And brand it with my mark

You nasty bastard with the dirty skin

Your time has finally come

Your warts and brainless head is in

Hell craves and hungers some

I'll place the stake in the flaming pit

And laugh out in big guffaws

(That's what you get for being s***

And making useless flaws)

Anger Poems I: Nursery Rants

You crazy bitch

You make me itch

I want to hit your head.

You make me cry

Oh please, just die

I really want you dead.

But first of all

I have to call

That I am always right.

I fell in deep

But you, asleep

Left me alone in plight.

You piece of shit

Didn't care a bit

So I just kept my calm.

Thought things were cool

But slap my drool

You had me in your palm.

Like marionettes

In stocking nets

You held my string up tight.

You tugged and pulled

You had me fooled

To make me think you're right.

But when my peers

Just laughed in tears

I knew what had been called.

'Cause you were wrong

You crappy thong

I wish you had been mauled.

But here you turn

The messy urn

And pour the sand on me.

I'm but a voice

But still your choice

Was 'ment me to a tree.

But then all saw

Your crazy flaw

Cassandra laughed her head.

My tears of joy

Caused you your ploy

That made your feelings red.

Time came to pass

Your silly ass

And all I thought was fine.

But there you went

You hit my vent

And really drew the line.

You dug your dike

And acted like

I really don't exist.

Well, fine by me

Though not my glee

To talk, I did resist.

But fate was wise

Its many tries

Did put us in one roof.

I learned from all

You had your fall

Don't want to catch your hoof.

So I did lay

All I could say

To bring the ball up top.

You little snooze

You made us lose

It turned into a flop.

Again I tried

I almost died

But all was not yet lost.

So I did yelp

And with some help

The journey, fin'lly crossed.

But you the down

Just kept your frown

And acted like a queen.

With glaring eyes

You win the prize

Like no one's ever seen.

You go around

Your head, a crown

With words for me like crap

You little whore

Right on my door

You're setting up a trap

But guess again

You little hen

I'm not some dumbass mule.

I will not care

A single hair

I also can be cruel.

Now I await

When all my hate

Will end as I have set

I have the cask

Now I just ask

Oh, will you just die yet?

***

intro: for english class, we're required to write six poems.

since I have nothing to do with my life, and I need to rant on some people, I shall be ranting in poem. isn't that cool?

this is my first. I started things shallow.

try reciting it in a certain rhythm... almost like a nursery rhyme.

it'll sound funny. :D

so i plan to go darker from here on...

for my last blog, i'll just copy-paste a poem i made over the summer.

I never got to post it since it's really... umm... intense. and I didn't really feel like showing the world that other side at that time. but here's the avenue to do it...

The Probable Cause to Your Probable Execution

Live

DAY 32

Wish me luck.

My audition's tonight.

My voice is a bit rough, but I think I can use that to my advantage.

Apparently, I'm trying out in front of a live audience.

So we'll see.

I Want to Tell You I Love You (The Short Story)

(Comments please. :D)

I WANT TO TELL YOU that I'm not all right. But I can't. I have to be strong. Keep strong. For the both of us. If only I could, I'd go back. Back to when I first laid eyes on you, and you smiled back at me. Your braces were pink, almost the same color as your cheeks.

I want to go back to when your dark-brown locks moved through my fingers and your scent made me swoon with its lovely rosy air. Back to that very moment when you first told me you liked me, and I told you the same. Back to when you first told me we'd always be together even if we'd only been with each other for just a few days. Immature? We were, we still are. But innocent? I guess, things have changed in such a short time.

I want to go back to that day. Maybe, I could've let my doubts take over me, so we wouldn't be where we are right now. But your eyes, your enchanting brown eyes. Just by looking at them, I had forgotten everything, and that was the end of all the voices fighting in my head. There was a raucous downstairs, the floorboards were vibrating, the air was that of alcohol, but I just kept staring into your eyes. And the screams and shouts from a floor below flew into the air as fireworks crackling in the starry sky.

I want to forget. To forget the feeling of your supple skin as it rubbed against mine. To forget the feeling of your moist lips as it filled me with desire. To forget what it's like to be in a world that seemed too beautiful to be our own. To forget what it was like to let go of your own self and let the feeling of forever embrace you. I just want to forget everything so that it'd seem like nothing happened. But we both know that's not possible. The days will go by, the weeks, the months, but we'll only be reminded of it more and more.

I want to turn back now, but I can't, not with you that way. Your eyes don't have the same glimmer as it did before. And as they stare into mine, I'm reminded of what I've done. I don't think I can ever live with myself to think about it, but I can't leave you alone. That's the only thing I'm sure of, and I promise you that. I won't leave you.

I want to stay here forever because I'm not too sure about what happens next. All I want to do is be in this moment with you and hope everything will come to pass.

I want to listen to your heart, listen to its soft beating beneath your swollen chest. Beating, telling me of all your loneliness, your desires, your woes, your reliefs. But right now, all I hear is mine. They sound like hard drums, drowning out all my emotions but fear. It's slowly scaring away any consolations I have left. I don't want you to hear it. You're the only thing I think of to make me happy again, and I don't want you to go away. I don't want you to die inside because I am.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Seem so... silent today."

"You too..."

I want to tell you that I won't be all right. But I can't. I look at you as we both lie here, your long, shiny hair on my chest, my hands resting on your stomach. The September sun shining, glowing on your beautiful figure, so full of life. And I worry what happens next.

I want you to tell me you'll be all right because if you won't, I don't think I'll ever be. And we'll be as miserable as we were when we weren't together to begin with. But your petite hands are clasping mine, and it's as if I feel you touching my soul, telling me we'll get out of this alive. And I pray we do.

"Isn't the sunset beautiful?"

"I wouldn't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to look at it."

"Hmm?"

"It's so bright when you look at it. Glaring almost. And the sky. It's just darkness as it goes down."

"Well, that's how it is."

"I'd rather keep looking at you."

"I like doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Sharing the silence."

"That's deep."

"Really?"

"Yeah..."

You have to tell me you're all right because I don't think I can do this. If I can just tell you the truth, I'd cry right now. But I don't want you to worry. Because if you do, I'll break down even more. I'm holding my tears because I don't want them to cloud my view. I have to see your beautiful brown eyes because it's the only thing that keeps me calm, the only thing that's keeping me calm. Your eyes that attracted me the first time we met. Your eyes that assured me we'd be all right when I first told you about this.

You have to tell me you'll hold my hand through this. I don't know where we're going, and I'd be lost in this endless tunnel without you by my side. I know you don't know your way either, but at least I'd be comforted by the fact that I won't be going through this with someone else who won't understand me as much as you do, with someone else who'd care less about me.

You have to tell me you're sorry for what you did. I don't know what came over me when I let you come close, but why I didn't pull back I still wonder. When you held back my smooth hair and breathed on me with your warm air, I guess I just let all my thoughts go. You knew what was happening, you knew, but it was too good to resist, wasn't it? It was, I know. Three months ago, I wished that that beautiful moment would never end. Now, I just wish we never went through it at all.

You have to tell me you'll forgive me. I can feel your pain though you hide it. I didn't know what I was thinking when I brought you with me. Why I didn't let you stay back was, I guess, my fault. It was too much for everyone to handle, and I was stupid enough to let you be there. Now, you twitch every time you try to move, and my heart hurts. And when I see the blue in your eyes, it just pains me even more, but I still smile. I smile because it just reminds me of what you're willing to do. When you took those blows for me, I just knew how much you actually cared.

You have to tell me you're stupid. Why you smiled like that even as you looked at me all bruised I just can't understand. We're all alone now. No one to turn to. And you already knew that at that very moment, but you still smiled. And my tears dropped on your cheeks as I looked down on you, you laid on my lap as I knelt on the floor.

You have to tell me that we can get through this, that we can be happy again like we once were.

You have to tell me I can do this. I'm scared. I'm really scared, and I don't know if I really can. We're too young. We barely know anything. And we're all alone. Alone. The thought just scares me so much. I think I'm dying inside. Only you are giving me enough hope, and if you leave me now, I don't know what I'm going to do. I hope you don't, but if you do, I guess I can't blame you. But I really hope you don't.

"Summer."

"What?"

"March. We graduate on March."

"And summer?"

"After that, it'd be our last summer."

"Yeah."

You have to tell me you'll be all right because I can't stand it anymore. My head rests on your strong, chest, and I hear your heart beating. I feel it shaking my whole body, giving me life. And it scares me deep inside to know what's happening. I can't live this way for the both of us. It's tearing me apart.

I have to tell you I'm not all right. And I don't know where we're going, but if you'll be here with me, I think I can muster enough strength to do this. I feel the warmth of your hands holding my own, and I hope it's you telling me you won't leave me alone. I don't know how and I don't why but all I'm sure of is that I LOVE YOU.

"I really do."

"What?"

"I do."

Hospital

DAY 31

Missed me?

I just got home from the hospital.

God. How long has it been? Six days?

It was hell in there. So white. So clean. Yet so dirty. You could feel the germs everywhere. And i'm not germophobic.

And well... it was lonely.

Well... of course, people visited.

Well, not really. Just Jenna, the kids, Chris and Brian.

The normal family.

Why I was in there?

Don't ask. All I know is that I passed out at work, and when I woke up I was in those unnerving white clothes on some hospital bed.

It got boring. I'm not much of a TV person, so I passed the time playing with the bed's remote control.

They kept giving me all these drugs.

(Why do I call medicines drugs? So morbid.)

I think I was high for most of my stay. Practically that strong. It's like... weed only not.

At one point, I think I was flirting with the nurse, which is not me.

She thought it was cute though. She told me when I woke up the next day.

My room was in the side of the hospital where you can see the sun the whole day.

It was glaring. I was unlucky enough not to have curtain handles, hence no curtains. Whoopee.

For six whole days I watched the sun rise and stay and set.

Really bright... and hot too. Burning almost. Like summer, only not.

Oh. And something strange happened. Funny actually.

Well, I like sleeping under the covers, see. So while I was half-asleep, this family suddenly came in. And then I heard this woman start crying talking about how she had so much plans for me and all. I was like... WHUT?

I realized after a few seconds that she thought I was her son, and that I was dead. I didn't move though, pretended to be asleep. I imagine it would give her a heart attack if her "son" rose from the dead. I didn't know what to do actually. It was a good thing the vampire nurse came to prick some blood off my finger. Told the lady she was in the wrong room, and then there was this awkward aura in the whole place till she left.

When she closed the door, I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt.

And the nurse was laughing too, though a bit more quietly.

The people from the cafe sent me a cake. They know which one I love.

I think I would've enjoyed their presence more, but I guess they're too busy to come by, so I don't really mind.

I did get this one gift though.

It was this music box thing with some kind of English--or was that Russian--guard guy with the big black woolly head thing inside it. Kinda funny looking actually. But the music was soft, tender. Reminded me off... well, I don't know really. But it calms me down.

That tingly feeling and all...

Well, I was released just today.

(God. That words sounds so morbid. Released)

Now, I have to reschedule a few stuff. For one, that chat with my college friend. For another, my date. Hehe.

My answering machine has all these messages that need answering. My audition is, apparently, tomorrow. So good luck to me.

Well, if there's one thing I enjoyed in the hospital, it was the peace.

I was able to write a lot more inside... but they all seem empty. I guess there isn't any inspiration in there.